


It's My Fault

by DubiousWriting



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky tells him it wasn't his fault, Dialogue-Only, M/M, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson is So Done, Steve Has Regrets, Steve doesn't think he deserves Bucky, Ultron never happened, civil war never happened, everyone is really, these two idiots love each other too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 18:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7813387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DubiousWriting/pseuds/DubiousWriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So really Buck, I’m not mad or disappointed or ashamed of you, I am beyond furious with myself because I was selfish and scared and if I couldn’t save you then why do I deserve to be around you? Why do I deserve to be in your life after that?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's My Fault

**Author's Note:**

> This kinda sucks but I haven't written in a while so. Wow, this is my shortest story ever.

_“It wasn’t your fault.”_

_“Did you read the reports?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Then you know that’s not true.”_

_“You did everything you could. Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him?”_

_“…”_

_“Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it.”_

~`~`~

“He jumped after me Sam. He pulled me out of that water when he barely even knew who I was, who he was.”

“That only goes so far in excusing what he did to my wings, man.”

“No! You don’t understand! He came after me when I didn’t even think of falling with him off of that train.”

“Steve. You didn’t know if you could’ve survived that fall. If you had gone after him, you both might have died. You both could have been captured, I’d be fighting two Winter Soldiers right now! No one blames you for not trying to save him.”

“I survived for 70 goddamn years under that ice. I know I would’ve survived.”

“It’s not your fa-“

“ _YES IT IS!_ It’s my fucking fault for not reaching far enough, it’s my fault for never looking for his body, it’s my fault that Hydra has done this to him. How am I ever supposed to forgive myself for that, how can _he_ forgive me for that?!”

“Because he has been your best goddamn friend since you were a scrawny little asshole, Steven Grant Rogers. And so help me god, if he remembers his life before ’45, he damn well will not hold it against you. You’ve told me a lot of stories about the two of you and if he loves you – don’t sputter at me, it isn’t hard to figure out – as much as you make it sound like, he’d be saying the same thing I am. _It wasn’t your fault he fell._ ”

“You can say that all you want, I’m not gonna stop feeling guilty.”

“Why couldn’t you have picked some other poor soul to help you save the world? This is too much work sometimes.”

~`~`~

“Steve. Steeeeve. _Stevie._ Hey!”

“Oh, sorry Buck. Was just trying to finish that paragraph.”

“You could’ve at least held up a finger to tell me to wait. Why are you in here, I thought me’n you were gonna go to Central Park? You haven’t drawn in a while. Figured you need some inspiration. I’ll even let ya draw me.”

“I know, Bucky, I’m sorry. I’m still not feeling too well from the last mission, that guy had some serious power behind his punches.

“Steve… that mission was two weeks ago.”

“Buck-“

“Don’t ‘Buck’ me. Alright, I’ve put up with whatever bullshit mood you’ve been in for the past 4 months. But ever since I came back, you’ve been avoiding me like I got the plague. And I don’t know what I’ve done for you to act like this but I’ve been doing my best. I go to see that psychiatrist twice a week, and I don’t even lie to her anymore. I hang around the team more than you it seems. I go for runs with Sam, I don’t let my hair get too long, I can even buy food for myself now. I’ve figured out how to use Stark’s phones now, I even got him to fix one up so I can use the arm. The nightmares are getting less and less every few nights. Steve, I’m trying to build my life again but I don’t want to if you’re not in it, so why the hell are you trying to distance us?”

“Bucky, you haven’t- it’s not because I was disappointed in your progress. I am so proud of how far you’ve come. But that’s just it Buck.”

“What’s just it? It’s not what I’ve been doing, it’s just me in general? I’m not good enough anymore?!”

“ _If I had jumped after you, you wouldn’t even need to be in recovery!_ When I didn’t get to you in time, I should’ve jumped after you, because if I’m still alive after being frozen for 70 shitty years, then I damn well could’ve saved you. But I didn’t. I didn’t even look for your body to send home to your sisters. I should’ve came back to make sure. I should’ve fell with you. Because you saved me, you dragged my body out of the Potomac when all you knew up to that point was that I needed to be eliminated. So really Buck, I’m not mad or disappointed or ashamed of you, I am beyond furious with myself because I was selfish and scared and if I couldn’t save you then why do I deserve to be around you? Why do I deserve to be in your life after that?”

“Because it wasn’t your goddamn fault. Close your trap and let me finish. I fell hundreds of feet right next to a fucking cliff. No one should’ve been able to survive, not a normal person anyway. But I did because I wasn’t normal anymore but neither of us knew that. The doctor’s didn’t even know that. So if you think I’m gonna hold that against you because you assumed the logical conclusion, I’m gonna have to kick your ass. Christ, you been this stupid even when I wasn’t here?”

“Depends on who you ask.”

“Hey. Come on babydoll. I will never be mad at you for that. I will never blame you. So you need to stop being so hard on yourself. Hey, hey, don’t cry.”

“You haven’t called me ‘babydoll’ since I was a scrawny punk.”

“Someone’s just gonna have to fix that. Steve, my mind might still be a mess but I remember us before the war. And I still love you, ok? Just stop trying to shut me out.”

“God, I never stopped loving you. You know I’m still gonna feel guilty over this, right?”

“Yeah, Stevie, I know. But it’s ok. Just means I gotta try to prove ya wrong.”

**Author's Note:**

> They either kiss or have sex, whichever you wanna imagine.


End file.
